Avert the Biblical Apocalypse - a Conspiracy Theory

There is nothing more that I enjoy than playing about with metaphysical ideas and the concept of God is always an interesting one that should be investigated every now and again. Don't get me wrong, I do not believe in God and I am actually a devout atheist myself, but still like to keep an open mind and particularly enjoy playing around with far out left-field ideas and most particularly, conspiracy theories. If you are religious and are likely to be easily offended, then please do not read any further!

This Instructable will give you an unusual insight into the nature of religion and politics and how together they are, or could be, in league with each other to create a Biblical Apocalypse. Armed with this information, the Apocalypse could be averted altogether.

What I would like to propose here WILL help our understanding of God and the impending Apocalypse BUT is not intended to be 100% serious. How can the two go together? Please keep an open mind and read on for enlightenment!

Step 1: Hypothesis

One theory is that the idea of God fills a gap in our understanding and, as true scientists, this could possibly just be labelled as simply, the 'Unknown'. Many leading scientists are actually believers in some kind of religion or most particularly God himself, which, personally I find a little bit strange. Even some of our leading politicians openly profess to be religious, but then I've never had a particularly high regard for politicians anyway. Back in history, only a few hundred years ago, people would be more superstitious and believe in magic or ghosts and spirits.

Is God an alien from outer space who visited this planet some thousands of years ago and returns every now and again to check up on things? The important thing here, is that what I am about to propose - is it actually plausible or not?

The apocalypse is mentioned in revelations in the bible and, if we have a better understanding of what God himself might be and what his intentions are, maybe we will be better equipped to either avert the apocalypse or just plain survive it?

Step 2: God the Intergalactic Alien

Let us now go deeper into the depths of the absurd and postulate exactly what is the nature of this alien God creature. Do we believe that he is the benevolent person that he is made out to be in the church? Or is this simply wishful thinking? With all the terrible suffering that is on the planet, it is easy to think that God is not the most caring of people, which could easily be explained by suggesting that God was not a person at all but actually an alien from outer space, who would not really care about the human race other than perhaps for his own selfish purposes. So what would this alien creature's purposes possibly be? Is it possible that it is just playing some kind of malicious game with us? I think not!

Step 3: Adam and Eve

Okay, by now I hope that you will have accepted the idea that God might be an alien, no matter how absurd it might sound. Now we need to work out what this alien creature is doing on this planet and what his intentions might be. Personally, I find it hard to believe that these creatures would waste all those valuable resources and time in travelling all this way through space just to have a bit of a laugh with us. It is more likely that they have some other serious intention that we are simply not aware of at this time. There might be some pointers in the Bible, but I am not an expert on biblical text and have forgotten most of it.

I do however, remember the stories about Adam and Eve and believe that this might give us a big clue. Human beings are so incredibly different from all the other organisms on this planet and so is it not possible that we actually came from outer space ourselves? Is it possible that God put Adam and Eve, themselves aliens from outerspace, on planet Earth to colonise it some thousands of years ago? So what kind of alien would God himself actually be, would he be human or maybe something else? Why did he put Adam and Eve on this planet?

Step 4: God's Intentions for the Human Race

So if God is not some kind of insane joker, then he must have some kind of rational plan for us human beings. Logically, I can only think of one possible reason, and that this is linked to current observations that we are witnessing on this planet at the moment .

Most scientists seem to agree that the human population is very quickly out stripping its resources and will reach a maximum population number from which it will then experience some kind of colony collapse, as often happens in nature. Why would this very intelligent God alien allow this to happen? What possible benefit would this be to anybody? On the face of it, it just seems to be doomed to failure?

Personally, I believe that it is possible that God is waiting for the human species to achieve maximum population numbers and then will return with his friends and a big spaceship to harvest his crop ........... of human beings!

Step 5: Averting or Surviving the Harvest.

Since it seems that it may be all about numbers, if, somehow we were able to stop the human species from increasing in number, stabilise the population and then slowly reduce its population, this would indicate to God that his plans have been a failure and hopefully it is not worth him travelling all that distance in his spaceship to get a half baked harvest? If we knew how far away he was and how much fuel his spaceship consumed, we could calculate the point at which harvest is worth it or not. Hopefully, the numbers would never get big enough for God to make the long journey and he would simply abandon the project altogether.

The other possibility is that we join forces with this god alien and join in with his plans. If we look at the behaviour of some of our leading political figures, we could easily be forgiven that they are already part of the alien gods' conspiracy. Everything in our economies is geared towards increasing productivity, using more resources and making ourselves more successful and increasing our overall population. In this conspiracy, our political leaders would be saved the ravages of the harvest by undertaking gods will.

Step 6: Conclusion

All good conspiracy theories should have a conclusion. We have now come full circle and the obvious conclusion to be made is that the reason that some politicians, so called respected members of our community, are religious i.e. they worship God, is that they are part of the alien conspiracy. As we all know, politicians are renowned for lying and this case is no different. They pretend that God is a benevolent human being when actually he is an intergalactic alien farmer who has no investment in the human species other than as a simple crop to be harvested. Who could blame them for that? The politicians, however, are in league with these aliens simply to save their own souls in the same way that they lie to us to get voted in at the next election. But now we know the truth!

I sincerely hope that this short piece will help people understand a little bit about the impending human colony collapse and possibly enable us to do something about it. Please do not support the alien conspiracy!

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