Introduction: Tricking Your Parents So You Can Watch TV at Night (Circa 1998)

By
About: A CompSci student with a passion for creating random stuff.

When I was younger, I hated going to sleep. There were so many better things to do! Maybe it was my overactive imagination or maybe my undiscovered ADHD, but I just did not want to close my eyes and fall asleep.

And so I decided enough is enough. I had a mission, convincing my parents to let me fall asleep in front of the TV in our living room. Sounds unachievable, but with this guide, I will take you step-by-step in the process that led me to spend my nights watching my favorite movies instead of being literally bored to sleep each night.

If you are a child, an uncle who wants to seem cool to his nephew, a clever mom who wants to see the world from her child's eyes, this guide is for you.

So enjoy, and I hope these tips will help bring joy to you as they did for me.

Supplies

For this production, you need the items that make your night sleep go smoothly. Here are some basic necessities:

  • A Comfy Pillow - a comfortable pillow is a must-have for this process.
  • A Cozy Blanket - A blanket that fits the temperature. You don't want to be too hot, as you will want to pull the blanket up to the lower third of your face to obscure visibility, but you also don't want to be too cold to be able to convincingly follow the steps of this guide.
  • TV Set - This magical box is the goal of this scheme.
  • A child - That's you!

Step 1: Settling in for the Night

This step is easy. Turn on the TV, go over to the couch (or any other surface on which you plan to spend the night), and settle in.
Important tips:

  • Lay on your side if possible. Not only it will make it easier to watch the show, but you can also place your hands comfortably next to your face, using them to rest your head while also obscuring part of your face to patrolling parents without blocking your view of the TV.

  • Adjusting the Volume. While turning on the TV, adjust the sound to almost the lowest possible setting in which you can still hear the show from your favorite resting surface. It will help you to be forgotten and out of your parent's minds as the night progresses. Take into account that some shows vary in sound levels so leave room for surprises!

  • Keep your remote close. If your TV set has a remote control try to position it next to your face, that way if an emergency happens (e.g. a volume incident as described above) you can quickly react and mitigate the damage. Try to hold it in your hand with a soft grip, signaling that you are falling asleep and too tired to have a firm grip on the remote!
  • Make It a Playlist - In order to make this play easier to accomplish, try making your entertainment/show/movie run on auto-play. This will reduce the need to get up and switch the show or movie and draw unnecessary attention to yourself (We will discuss "Getting Up" in a later step).

Step 2: Shutting the Eyes - Initial Phase

It is time to talk about the way you shut your eyes. You might be thinking that this the simplest part, after all, most of us have gone to sleep at least once before trying this guide. You are wrong. The way you shut your eyes is the technique that this entire ruse hinges on. Close too quickly and you will lose all credibility. Too slow, and your parents will conclude that the TV keeps you awake (which is, granted, true) and send you to bed. Books can be written on the use of squinting.

Luckily for you, I've summed up a few pointers to get you set on the right course. The name of the game is graduality. You need to pace yourself as if you were slowly falling asleep while watching the TV.

Start by watching the show with open eyes completely. You are a kid who just got to bed and gets to watch his favorite show, you are excited and so you can keep your eyes wide open. If you are watching a TV show, this part should last up until you notice the episode is starting to wrap-up. For movie viewers and other forms of entertainment, I would estimate this for around 15-23 minutes, adjust according to the scene playing.

Step 3: Shutting the Eyes - Transitional Phase

Transition your eyes into "Relaxation mode". basically what you do is relax the muscles holding up your eyelids and cheeks. This will drop your eye-opening level to around half. This tells the patrolling parent "They are into the show and trying to be greedy, but I can see the sleep slowly getting to them". At this point, the parent will probably congratulate himself for scoring an easy evening and being a clever parent. The fool. This position tends to be quicker, although exceptions may occur. For TV viewers I would say between a quarter to half an episode. For other media, I would time it around 10-15 minutes

Step 4: Shutting the Eyes - Final Phase

In this position, you will spend the rest of your waking moments of the night, and it actually splits into two variations: a "greedy" variation, and a "safe" variation. They vary on the eye you choose to keep open. That's right, eye as in a singular eye.

Slowly and gently close your eyes, as if you just ran out of your last reserves of energy trying to stay awake, so both of your eyes seem closed to the unsuspecting viewer. Actually, though, only one eye is going to be closed. It is amazing to realize that the slightest crack in the seems-to-be-shut eye actually gives you a clear view of most of what you would see with an open eye, albeit a bit blurry at the edges.

Here is where the technique splits.

Greedy Option - If your parents haven't checked on you often and if every other step went without a hitch you might want to leave the eye that is opposite to the sofa, open. This is considered greedy because although it is easier to spot than the eye that lays on the couch, it gives a better and clearer view of the screen which is overall a desirable outcome.

Safe Option - Not feeling confident in your chances to risk it? Keep a sliver of sight in the eye close to the couch. If you followed this guide so far, your eye should be hidden by your arms which are nestling your head, and your blanket should be pulled all the way to the lower third of your face at least. This provides enough shade and cover for the slight crack you keep open in order to watch your favorite show.

Whichever option you choose, this is it, you are set for the night! Keep to the principles on which we discussed in previous steps and the coveted treasure of after bed-time TV is yours!

Step 5: Advanced Topics - Eye Contact

Eye Contact - Throughout the different stages of the night you might see your parents walk around the house as you are trying to "fall asleep". Eye contact, or better yet - the lack of it, is key to succeeding.

  • In the initial phases, it is still OK to have some eye contact with your residential authority figure, although you want to keep it brief to not draw too much attention to yourself.
  • When in the Transitional Phase (Step 3) you are limited to ONE eye contact occurrence, and it's your role to make sure that your eyes seem heavy and fatigued.
  • If you already had your eye contact quota, or have reached the Finale Phase, remember, NO EYE CONTACT. Unless confronted directly, zero eye contact is imperative. Remember, you are supposed to be right on the verge of - or already fully - asleep, but even short eye contact with your parent will alert them to the fact that you are in fact very much awake. Remember the old saying "A sleeping man looks no one in the eye".

Step 6: Advanced Topics - Confidence

Confidence - This topic is quite simple to remember and can be summarized by two words, confidence, and commitment. If you stick to the pointers and the steps in this guide, you are going to be OK. Do not break character at any point, a real sleepy kid wouldn't look suspiciously at his surroundings for example (see above pictures for what NOT to do)

Step 7: Advanced Topics - Getting Up

Getting Up - If setting up a playlist wasn't possible (see Step 1) or a bathroom break is needed, you might find yourself getting up while in the middle of this activity. Don't worry, this is a normal part of this play and you just need to make sure you adjust your movement to the stage of the guide you are on while getting up.

  • For early steps regular movement is acceptable.
  • For Transitional Phase you would like to make your movement a bit slower when getting up, and picking up to almost normal after you start walking. Be sure to have a satisfied and cozy look on your face when you come back to bed!
  • For people who are already in the Final Phase of the evening and want to keep their guise as "was-99%-dreaming-and-just-got-up", you need to be a bit more calculated. If you are getting up to switch an episode/movie/other, DO NOT get up immediately as the credits roll. Maybe even wait for a minute or two in silence. After an appropriate amount of time has passed, then you get up. Your movement should be slow and heavy, your eyes should be almost closed and you can even throw in a small groan when you get up. As you move towards your destination, stumble a bit and if you can put your hand on a wall for support, do it. Don't be in any rush, time is your friend here. For readers who have reached their countrys' legal drinking age, imagine your movement as "Getting up on a Saturday at 6:00 AM after a night of drinking because you forgot to turn off your alarm clock and you need to shut it the hell off". Still not sure how it is supposed to look like? I've added a short video to give you some inspiration.

Step 8: Closing Thoughts

I hope you had as much fun reading this Instructable as I had writing it.

Keep an eye out for my next project where I try to implement this guide in order to play some video games when my girlfriend wants to watch "The World's Most Extraordinary Homes" on Netflix.

Thank you so much!